As I sat there, just watching my seven-year-old play. His occupational therapist was setting up his “Safe Zone”. This week, just the same as last, we are focusing on him being able to wear underwear and sitting on the toilet. Yes, I already know what you’re thinking. I too have had those thoughts. He’s seven-years-old. How does he not wear underwear? If he doesn’t sit on the toilet what does he do? Is he aware that wearing underwear in today’s butt-showing, saggy-pants society is just as important as caffeine for moms all around the word?
Truth is, he has special needs. We have spent the better part of two years catering to his Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Mentally, he can not handle the sense of feeling while sitting down. His body pushes adrenaline through his system until he spirals out of control into a meltdown that is sure to last for weeks. It sounds like a tough situation and it is. He has a very busy and structured life. School, Occupational Therapy, Talk therapy, Flag Football, Regular check ups with his pediatrician, and of course the goings on of his siblings.
I’m not telling you about my seven-year-old because he wants or needs your pity. I’m telling you so you know mama. You know that you are not in any way alone on this journey. I am right here with you, holding your hand. I celebrate the success with you. I celebrate the days that he willingly puts on a pair of underwear. Knowing full well that he dislikes the feeling of the fabric up against his skin. I celebrate the days that he bathes and the screaming is not loud enough for my neighbors to contact social services. I too, cry at night sometimes after he has gone to bed because he has spiraled into a horrific meltdown that I can not possibly begin to understand or even help him with.
I am every mom who has a child. My fears and worries are the same as yours. I stress out and I worry. I worry that I am failing at giving him the tools that he needs to put his best foot forward. I worry that the schedule that he keeps will only impede in his development and impact him negatively. I also worry that I, as his mother, am only making his situation worse. Is he a happy child if he can’t pick up on social cues? Does he suffer because he can’t have the same amount of screen time as his friends or siblings? No, he does not. I, like you, am doing my best for my son.
You see, his rules are different. His screen time is severely limited. Not because I am that mom, the one who has issues with children watching Television or playing Video Games. Instead, it’s because he becomes a monster. His little system gets overstimulated and he spirals out of control and panics because he has absolutely no idea what is happening. He and I do more hands-on activities. He loves crafts, drawing, math and reading. He enjoys playing outside on his scooter, or borrowing his brothers roller skates. We have family game night. Just because he loves it that much, let me mention that he loves math… again. He can sit, by sit what I really mean is run in circles, for hours working on multiplication and division problems.
For those of you that aren’t aware, life with a child who has special needs is not that different from life with your typical child. For example: My fourteen-year-old comes home and does her homework right away. She argues because we force her to spend time with her brothers. My nine-year-old will come home and do everything in his power to avoid doing homework, including spend time with his family. With my seven-year-old the fight is very similar. We argue that he can not sit at the table and do his division while we eat.
We are not alone. Every time I feel overwhelmed, I think of the army of people who help me everyday. The army of people who my son has standing behind him. Great grandma, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Second Cousins, Parents, Siblings, Teachers, Therapists, Pediatrician and the list goes on. Every Child needs an army. As parents, we need one too. I am a part of your army.
Take a breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth. You’ve got this. Count your success’. It’s okay if he didn’t sit on the toilet today, he tried and succeeded yesterday. That’s success. It’s okay that he didn’t wear underwear today because he wore it yesterday and underwear is over-rated. That’s success. It’s okay that he is mad at you for not allowing his long division all over your dinner, he loves learning and you should be proud. He doesn’t make eye contact with you and that is okay. He still tells you about his day at school and that is a success.
You, Mom, should not worry. I know that falls on deaf ears. I’m a mom too, and it’s my job to worry. I simply wish that you remember that you are loving, caring, and flexible. You are not alone, I hope that you take the moment you need to re-center yourself and re-evaluate your current position on your parenting choices. To celebrate your wins. I know, I will celebrate them with you.
I’m That Mom 